


How Not To Plan A Date: A Handy Guide by Tommy Shepherd

by constellationsofsentences



Category: Young Avengers (Comics)
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Dimension Travel, Established Relationship, Idk what to tag this as, M/M, Poison, Young Avengers Vol. 2 (2013), accidentally!, is probably not a great date idea, its not gory though i promise, tommy is secretly a romantic okay i dont make the rules, wedding crashing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-17
Updated: 2019-05-17
Packaged: 2020-03-06 22:54:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,045
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18860623
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/constellationsofsentences/pseuds/constellationsofsentences
Summary: David pants a little as he swats at one of the weird glimmery things. Tommy thinks they might be fairies. “You are the worst at dates,” he says.





	How Not To Plan A Date: A Handy Guide by Tommy Shepherd

**Author's Note:**

> yes i KNOW i have exams no i am NOT revising

“Did you bring us here to _die_?” David says. Or rather, wails. It’s all very dramatic.

Tommy is more than a little offended. “Yes, _obviously,_ David. Because that’s what I wanted to spend this weekend doing.”

David pants a little as he swats at one of the weird glimmery things. Tommy thinks they might be fairies. “You are the _worst_ at dates,” he says. It’s fair. Tommy still glowers a little.

“At least we’re not at the bowling alley watching Billy and Teddy be all _goopy_ ,” says Tommy.

“God, Tommy. I wanted to be goopy with _you_ at the bowling alley.” David’s glasses are reflecting the light very sharply. Tommy thinks it might be his glare.

“Oh,” he says. A fairy flies directly into his face. “Well, you should have _said so_.”

David says, “Jesus, Tommy. I thought it was obvious!”

The fairies are making a sort of buzzing sound. Tommy thinks they might have to call in somebody who’s actually equipped to deal with this sort of thing. “Well, you should have been _more obvious_! I’m stupid, you know that.”

“You’re not stupid.”

It’s kind of sudden. Tommy whirls around and knocks a few of the fairy things into one another. “Huh?”

“ _That_ was stupid. You, on the whole? Not stupid.”

Tommy can feel himself blushing. “Oh,” he says, because he is the king of lame _._

“Whatever,” says David. “Call Billy.”

 

In his defence, it was supposed to be totally romantic. He got America to help, stole one of Billy’s weird magic books to find the right dimension. He’d even decorated the little portal America had stomped into the wall with fairy lights and a few flowers. That was romance, right?

David kicked up a little bit of a fuss about going in. “I thought we were going bowling,” he said.

“Boring,” declared Tommy, because it was true. Also, bowling was Billy and Teddy’s thing and he really didn’t want to, like, get in the way. He tells David this. “It would have been rude,” he adds at the end.

“Since when have you cared about that? Especially with Billy?”  
And. Okay. Explaining his feelings about and relationship with Billy is going to take years and also possibly end in _major_ emotions of the sad kind, and Tommy really isn’t about that.

“Get in the other dimension,” he says. He hefts the picnic basket he’d stolen from Billy’s mom onto his shoulder. “Go on.”

David had sighed deeply but agreed. Through the portal, he said, “Um…”

“What?” asked Tommy, following him through. The portal snapped shut behind him. “Oh.”

They appeared to have stumbled directly into some kind of fairy wedding. There were lots of little purple people with wing staring at them. Two were wearing very big yellow dresses and were holding hands in front of a different fairy who was wearing some kind of official-looking hat. All of the fairies were doing their best to look scary and menacing. It was kind of adorable until one of them opened their mouth and Tommy got a nice look at the layers of sharp teeth inside it.

He put the picnic basket down. There was an odd squishing noise as it effectively squashed what had just been a very elaborate cake of some sort.

This was clearly the last straw for the fairies. They began to buzz.

“Um,” said Tommy. “Sorry?”

David sighed heavily.

“Right, David. Looks like we should maybe leave. Get on my back?”

 David did. They ran.

 

The first words Billy says to him when he picks up the phone is, “This better be good. Teddy just scored, like, six strikes. I think he might be cheating.”

“No,” says a cheerful voice, slightly muffled because of the whole _in another dimension_ thing. “ _You_ were cheating. You’re just mad I caught you.”

Tommy is worried they might start making out before he can explain the current situation. David, from his position as lookout, gives him a frown.

“Listen. We may have a _teeny-weeny_ little problem.”

“What? Did David not give you enough kisses?” asks Billy, and he must be really torn up about losing at bowling. Normally he’s not quite this crabby until at least three minutes into a conversation.

“No,” says Tommy, but it’s clearly a yes. “Well. He’s sort of mad at me.”

“Why?”

Tommy can almost feel Billy’s laughter. He coughs. “I may have possibly, _accidentally,_ not-at-all-on-purpose got us trapped in a different dimension. Filled with fairies. You know. Typical date night stuff.”

“Okay,” says Billy. “Well. I should probably go talk to some people about that.” There’s a muffled silence as he explains what’s happened to Teddy, who mercifully does not laugh. Much. He does say, “That sucks, man,” afterwards, which is a pretty lame attempt at comfort but an attempt either way.

“Yes,” he agrees. “It does suck. They stole our picnic basket!”

“No,” says David, “you dropped it. On their _wedding cake._ ”

“It was an accident!”

“Like that helps.”

“Come _on,_ David, I said I was sorry. And I gave you a piggyback!”

“Because otherwise I would have been stranded in a field full of very angry fairies. And Billy’s mom’s picnic basket.”

“Wait, hang on,” says Billy. “That was _my mom’s_ picnic basket? Tommy, come on, man!”  
“The things we do for love, bro.” Tommy waggled his eyebrows. David’s expression, if anything, darkened.

“You have to get it back.”

“Nuh-uh, little brother. I’ll buy her a new one.”

“With _what money_?” hisses David, which is a fair but unnecessarily mean point.

Billy sighs. “You’re the worst. I’ll be there in an hour. Maybe two.”

 

They discover the fairies are poisonous like this: Tommy’s arm starts turning purple about half an hour into the wait. David, who is resolutely ignoring him, does not notice.

Tommy says, “Hey, David?”

“If this is another terrible joke, Tommy, I don’t want to hear it.”

“My arm is purple.”

This throws David. He recovers quickly. “Okay. So, you’ve been poisoned. Great.” He comes over to pat the bite and says, again, “Great.”

“Don’t get too excited, bro. I’d think you want me gone.”

David doesn’t reply.

“I wonder what Mrs and Mrs Fairy will do? Like, the Fairy Rabbi is like: ‘You may now kiss the bride’, and they both poison each other. Heh.”

David still says nothing. He’s staring intently at the wound. The purple spot is growing. Tommy wonders if he’ll get to die in David’s arms, movie-style. That would probably be pretty sweet, in a romantic sort of way, but also he doesn’t really feel like _dying_ right now. Although an _I’m sorry you’re poisoned_ kiss would be kind of nice.

“Well,” says David. “At least now we can definitely tell Billy there’s no way we’re getting that picnic basket. Everything in it is probably poisoned by now.”

Tommy lets out a startled laugh. “Imagine… we survived, like, all that shit, and now here we are, dying rescuing a _picnic basket_.”

David shakes his head. “Here lie Tommy Shepherd and David Alleyne: Protectors of Peace and Picnic Baskets.” He says it so solemnly the joke catches Tommy off guard.

Tommy shifts. “You know. It would be nice if I didn’t die.”

“Why’s that?” asks David.

“So that I can make up for this terrible date. Sorry.”

David laughs. “At least you tried.”

“Yeah, badly, though.”

“I wouldn’t have minded bowling.”

“Then let’s go bowling,” says Tommy. He’s feeling a little woozy, as if he’s both about to faint and has also just made the fatal mistake of agreeing to play a drinking game with Kate Bishop. They’re quite similar feelings, really. Tommy loves having rich friends to be thrashed in drinking games by.

“I should probably text Billy,” says David, still holding Tommy’s arm. He looks a little uncomfortable, mostly because he spends almost all of his free time worrying that Billy hates him.

“Yeah. Probably.”

David doesn’t stop holding Tommy as he reaches for his phone. The lockscreen is some terrible selfie Tommy took of them watching a movie. It’s disgustingly domestic. That photo alone could probably give Billy and Teddy a run for their money.

Billy sends a couple of messages that make David laugh softly, but he doesn’t show them to Tommy, so Tommy assumes it’s something rude. He nudges his head against David’s shoulder. “Come on,” says David. “Lie down.”

He does. David follows him, resting his chin on Tommy’s chest. Tommy grins. “Will you do mouth to mouth if I pass out before Billy gets here?”

“You’re the worst,” says David, but he’s smiling.

“Maybe you should lick some of it. The poison, I mean. We can die together, Romeo and Juliet style.”

“That’s really not what happens in Romeo and Juliet. It’s not a suicide pact.”

Tommy laughs. “It would be romantic as _fuck,_ though.”

David presses his face into Tommy’s chest. He feels kind of warm. Tommy’s almost glad he’s poisoned. At least it means David is talking to him again. But also, the whole dying thing is beginning to press on him. “I kind of wish we still had the picnic. I’m _hungry_.”

“I have a chocolate bar in my pocket,” offers David. He produces a slightly deformed-looking thing. Tommy’s heart sings with joy.

“You’re kidding! Oh, my God, I love you.” He doesn’t really realise what he’s said until David sits up and looks at him. It’s totally intense. Tommy says, “I mean. If that’s okay.”

David gives him the chocolate bar. “Why wouldn’t it be?” His smile is small, but it morphs his whole face into something that’s somehow even more beautiful than it was before.

“I mean. I don’t know. I just…”

“Stop talking,” says David.

“I mean, if you’re sure,” says Tommy, just to be annoying. “I think my voice is really sexy, so, I don’t know.”

“Shut up, Tommy,” says David, but he’s laughing when Tommy kisses him.

“Well,” says somebody behind them, smug, “at least getting poisoned fixed the _David is mad at me_ problem.”

It’s America. Behind her, Teddy waves. “Hey, Tommy. Sorry you got poisoned.”

Billy says, “Sorry it took so long. America was… somewhere, and Wanda wasn’t picking up the phone.”

David sits up. Tommy wants to grab at him, but he’s also dying. He thinks somebody should be helping with that. He coughs. “You know, I’d really like to be healed right around now.”

“Oh. Uh, yeah, sorry, man. I’m going to spell it out of you, I think. But it might hurt. I don’t know.”

It takes him a few goes, hands pressed to Tommy’s arms as he says, “ ** _I want Tommy to heal_** ,” over and over. It doesn’t hurt, though, although he feels a strange numbness in his arm.

“Ugh,” says Tommy, “you got all the cool powers.”

“That’s stupid,” says Billy, blushing a little. “I’m terrible at track. Like, it’s embarrassing.” He coughs. “Anyway, Teddy, we still haven’t finished bowling.”

 

They don’t let Teddy and Billy start from where they left off, and they also make them pay to play another round. Because this is mostly Tommy’s fault, he offers to pay. “With what money?” asks David, before Tommy produces his wallet and hands over a few notes.

“I have a _job,_ you know.”

David smiles and bumps his hip against Tommy’s. “Nice.”

He even suffers the miserable bowling shoes, even though his toes are kind of squished because they had to go half a size down. David smiles brightly at him. Even his stupid shoes look good. Tommy tells him so, which makes David duck his head and smile in a way that makes Tommy’s heart do stupid, happy things.

 

“I love you,” David says, later, when Tommy’s sitting upside down on the shitty couch in David’s apartment, his head hanging off the edge of the seat. They’re watching Star Wars, and Tommy has a Barbie band-aid stuck to his arm, which is still kind of purple. He'd chosen the Fairytopia one, because he was ironic and funny, and  _no, David, it did not matter that he could identify all the Barbie movies off the top of his head._   _It's cinema, man._  

Tommy turns his head to look at David, now, who blinks at him from behind his glasses. He grins.

“Love you, too, nerd.”

**Author's Note:**

> i have [tumblr](http://lamegfx.tumblr.com). it's not very interesting but like. it exists.


End file.
